Vital Essence Counseling
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A lesson from an 11 year-old girl.
For years I have taught ‘Words have Power”…to my client’s, my kids, and even my husband. ;)
Words are powerful in that they can be healing or make us feel good…“I love you,” “you’re pretty,” “you’re smart,” “you did a good job!” And then there are words that can cut through our hearts and echo around and around in our heads indefinitely…”I hate you,” “you’re ugly,” “you’re stupid,” “you will never amount to anything!” These words are horrible, hateful words. However, there are two words that are often said in anger or frustration that many people say without thinking of the damage they can inflict. Those words are, “Always” and “Never.”
“Always” and “Never,” used in a critical manner, hold the power to make a person feel hurt or angry but also will cast out a profound message of dismissal of any good actions the person does or has done. They may feel, “Oh, why do I even bother, only my bad actions are noticed…my good actions are not seen or they are not good enough.” This can cause a person to shut down emotionally towards you.
As a therapist I teach many such lessons like this one in my sessions. I, like anyone else, can sometimes get caught up in my own emotions and forget the lessons I teach and I was reminded of my own words by my eleven year old daughter yesterday. She hates chores (who doesn’t) but expresses her dislike by, quite often, throwing a huge fit when she is asked to do chores. In my frustration with her upset, I said, “Why do you always cause such an upset every time you are asked to do anything?” Through her tears she said, “Mommy you said ‘Always’ and ‘Never’ are powerful words. I don’t get upset as often as I used to and sometimes I don’t get upset at all! Can you at least give me credit for that?” She was right...
I thanked her for reminding me and gave her some credit about how she has worked through many of the issues she has and doesn’t get upset nearly as often as she used to.
If you say something hurtful, you may apologize...but those words and the hurt they caused will remain in their memory...
The words we say matter.
Thoughts on getting Therapy
and/or
taking Psychotropic medications, (any drug that affects behavior, mood, thoughts, or perception).
Throughout my years of counseling, I have heard many clients speak about the fear of being stigmatized about going to therapy or taking medication for mood disorders. "I shouldn't have to take depression meds, I should just man-up and get over it!" "If people knew I was in counseling or taking medication, they would call me crazy or say I am weak!" “My family doesn’t believe in medication or therapy, they say things to me like ‘why can't you just be normal and snap out of it?’”
Let’s take those kinds of statements and use them in a medical health condition instead of a mental health condition. I know the doctor said I have diabetes but I shouldn’t have to take insulin! I hate that my pancreas is acting this way! Come on pancreas you just need to suck it up and start making me some insulin like normal people! People are going to think I am crazy and weak for your failure to make insulin properly and I wish you would just snap out of it and get over this!
It is sometimes hard for people who have never suffered from a mental health issue, such as depression or anxiety, nor had a person close to them suffer from it, to understand how debilitating it can be. If their loved one had a broken leg they would do anything to help them heal and would never say, “Well, I see that your leg is broken but you just need to deal with it, stop being weak, and walk like a normal person! You need to get over this broken leg issue because you are such a drag to be around like this!” They can see the leg is broken…but they cannot see that the emotions, thoughts, feelings, or spirit are broken.
If you do decide to get therapy, there are only two people that have to know…you and your therapist. You are not required to go on the loud speaker at Wal-Mart and say, “Hey there, I just wanted you all to know I am working on my painful past and the issues that are not working in my life!” It is personal and private…unless you decide to share this information with someone else.
If you do decide to take medications, there are only three people that have to know…you, your doctor, and your pharmacist. You do not have to send out a company-wide email that says, “Hey Everybody, I’ve been experiencing depression and anxiety and I’m now taking Prozac and Ativan!”
Hopefully there are a few people that you will be able to tell this to and get support. But you do not have to tell anyone.
Please don’t let the fear of stigma hold you back from getting the help you need to lead a more productive, healthier, and happier life.